


Iwaizumi's McDonald's Commercial

by killu0tine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I have the sexiest music taste ever, Kenma gets bullied rip, M/M, Shinzo Abe gets his shit fucked up, University/College AU, but mostly canon compliant bcs of where the manga is currently at, it gets #political, mention of Kuroo Tetsurou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23077573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killu0tine/pseuds/killu0tine
Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime, simultaneously a gay internet sensation and an average college student. What Will He Do Next
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 10





	Iwaizumi's McDonald's Commercial

**Author's Note:**

> I really do not know what the fuck I was doing making this. This was all very stream-of-consciousness but I'm also pretty much jeanius 😟 so just see how it is

Iwaizumi Hajime, former ace for the Aoba Johsai volleyball team, now world famous college student. He got tickets to see Dr. Phil and he went up on stage announcing, "Hot gay throbbing cocks".

The clip went viral on numerous sites, making him known internationally and one of Japan's national heroes. President Shinzo Abe congratulated him over the phone, only for Iwaizumi to say,  
"Fuck you, you disgusting, homophobic, war criminal apologist piece of shit." He then gave Mr. Abe a noogie live on NHK and he was defeated in the next election.

Despite his fame, Iwaizumi lived humbly. He wasn't rich and didn't want to be. As hard as it was to be a college student flipping burgers, he couldn't bear the corruption that seemed to come with wealth.

His manager one day asked him,  
"Iwaizumi, how would you like to be in a McDonald's commercial?"

He didn't think too much of it, and didn't answer. 

It seemed fate had its ways, though, and in a few days Iwaizumi was on a set where the Miyagi public access channel was once located. The place didn't look like they had ever cleaned it up. The whole building smelled like ass and there were rats in the toilets.

The director explained that that this was more a thing the Sendai Chamber of Commerce was doing and Iwaizumi could do whatever he wanted.

When the cameras came on, Iwaizumi jumped on set in a really gay way.

"I'm dedicating this to my boyfriend, Oikawa Toru. He's a complete shithead and when he slithers off this mortal coil hell will rain its fury down upon him. Thank God twinks all die before 30." Iwaizumi began, as everyone stood near him looking heavily unnerved.

He then started singing "Jesus Forgive Me, I Am A Thot" by JPEGMAFIA.

"Show me where the prophets go–  
Show me how to keep my pussy closed ♪" sang Iwaizumi in his deep, grumbling voice.

"Oikawa He may be a bitch ass whore but I respect that and it works for me cause he's hot."

Later at night, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were on their shared couch watching television because their landlord was a fucking boomer who apparently didn't know what Netflix was. That, and he wanted Oikawa to see his romantic tribute to him.

Oikawa said, "Iwa-chan, you know me better than anyone. Indeed, show me how to keep my pussy closed."

The next-door neighbour who'd just moved in, Kenma, knocked on their door in his GAMERS DON'T DIE THEY RESPAWN shirt.

"I'm trying to play Fortnite to distract me from the fact that Kuroo won't text me back because I'm rich now. Could you please keep it down?" he spoke softly.

"I think you should try some poppers, Kenma~" said Oikawa, deliciously smarmy as always.

Kenma turned around, sighing. Easily the most homophobic gay couple he'd ever come across.

"Oh, and, Kenma- who's this Kuroo person? They sound like a chad." called Iwaizumi after him.


End file.
